The Most Northern Heathen

Hello my precious family,

Lori, Jess, I don't know how you girls DO what you do. You are both so very critical to the comfort of so many. And often, you have to watch as those you care for and about fail.

As for the 'heathen' thing...guess I was instrumental in raising a pair of those. It's just so hard to be at all pragmatic and make promises about the supernatural.

I've been an agnostic all my life...a gutless wonder afraid to commit to not committing...you know...just in case. I have always, and will to my death, believe in the 'golden rule'. Surprisingly the "do onto others" tenant is planet wide and found in every single religion, regardless of indoctrination. I loathe 'organized' religion, ALWAYS because of the people who claim to be so very pious.

Lori. OH LORI. Anyone as caring as you, Sean, Jess and Tommy couldn't possibly be on any sort of 'wrong track' caring about life as you all do. I have immense faith. ALL of it is in the likes of the precious people I love, at least those who would never harm or ruin another. Today was my Mom's 91st Birthday. We had a long history of calling each other and singing, HORRIBLY, happy birthday to each other. I've sung to my parents' every year since they died, on their day. My Dad wasn't always a nice person. But I sing to him too. Jason's birthday is Wednesday, and I'll sing to him. The point is, Lori, that everyone we know and even wish wonders for, don't always earn that distinction. As long as you and I know that we've only wished well and never, once, intentionally hurt anyone...isn't that supposed to be what 'heaven' is about?

There's also this other part of me that's sort of "Jerry McGuire" in nature. Wasn't "show me the money" synonymous with "show me the love?" If you can't 'show me the money' (heaven?) than shouldn't it be ONLY about 'show me the love?' At least we can KNOW love.

Oh well. I despise organized religion. It truly requires the very worst of the zealots who profess to belong. Group mentality. Mob ethics. Isn't it just so much more difficult to walk the road alone? Guess we're somewhat more accountable if we acted alone and without 'sanction.'

Not everyone DOES need or want a hug from strangers. And I SURE don't need 'prayers' for my deliverance from people who know nothing about me or my motives and intentions. Isn't it always about 'who you know'...if you don't know 'God' personally, you DO seem to be !#%&*!, eh?

Got to go. I think there's a sea to part or someone who needs to find my little body in the bullrushes. I have worlds to save and tablets to dispurse...maybe even a chalice to pour my "box-O wine" into. The Free Masons have been looking for me.

Sure glad your parents can't see this Lori. Think that would be the end of my name on the Christmas card list. Love you guys immensely. That's one helluva job you and Sean have taken on...you absolutely stepped "up to the plate" with this effort!

Wish I had a genuine opinion....Ma

Ramblings of a Heathen

Hello my family!  No real giant reasons for not posting lately, I don't have a full full time job and school, nor do I have a full time school job and a commute, nor do I make really cool slot cars for fun and profit, just stupid stuff busy. 

 I've been working a lot and next week will be trained to be a meds RA.  That way, after my shift of cooking, I can go shower some people, wipe some bottoms, then give them their meds.  No pay increase for the added trust/responsibility of meds, but it will open the door for more hours and on my resume it will show the whole trust/responsibility thing. Right?  

Sean and I have been babysitting a 10 year old for a woman I work with. She's 46 and has decided to go get her ged but almost quit (after I pushed her to go for it) because her other child, a boy/child of 18 who is mentally challenged couldn't watch Sandy while Betty was at school. Betty would come home at 9:00 or so and Sandy's outside riding her bike and such. I guess she's already had dhs called on her (don't know why) but she had to have Sandy more supervised than the boy could do. So I figured that instead of just giving lip service I'd step up to the plate. Sigh, she's a handful. Steals candy, hides candy she doesn't like under the couch. Lies, won't talk unless the mood strikes her, but loves Sean to death. Dad isn't around, don't know the full story, so I think she has daddy issues. She took to him like a duck to water. Things are going to be shaken up a bit Monday when she comes back over. I'll be at work when Betty and Sandy come over but Sean plans on "talking" to Sandy and Betty knows it. He's laying down ground rules harder than I did. With her needing a male role model, maybe she'll listen more after she gets down pouting.  Betty has started calling Sean with progress reports on Sandy's school work. I thought we were just free babysitters. I figure Sean will put his foot down when he's had enough. He's not one to be shy about saying no when the time comes. Until then, we'll help out someone. God knows she needs a hand.

Been working on sewing some purses for Christmas from patterns my mom sent. I quilt, yes with a machine, but good lord, this is killing me. I've ripped so many seams my seam ripper is dull. Think if I buy one and rip the label out she'd know??? It feels like a chore as of right now, when it feels like that, it's not any fun.  I've walked away from it a million times now.  I think I'll just have to tell her I suck at this and I'm happy in that position. 

One of our little people died the other day. Very sad for the family. I didn't know him all that well, he and his wife had only been there about a month and he started going downhill soon after they moved in. Pretty hard getting attached to them and they have to go and die on you. I had been taking courtesy trays to the family last week and then the morning he died I took a larger one. Some other RA's went with me to the apartment and were giving hugs and saying they'd pray for them and he's in heaven and all that. I just set up my tray, told them I was sorry for their loss and we left. On the way back to the kitchen they were asking me why I didn't hug them or say I'd pray for them. I told them not everyone wants to be hugged, noticed, remembered, thought of, yes, but not always hugged by people who are basically strangers. I didn't tell them I'd pray for them because I didn't want to give a hollow promise because I may not pray for them. Turned into a whole religious discussion in which I told them I didn't think it was the time or place for a round table discussion on my beliefs and what I believed in doesn't affect how I do my job which is what I was there for. Goodness, the way they looked at me you'd have thought I shat on their feet. I don't know what I believe in anymore.  It's a collection, collaboration, a mishmash if you will of ideas, events and beliefs. Am I a good person?  I think so.  Will I go to heaven? Don't know, if there is one, I guess I hope so. Do I believe in Hell?  Sure, it's on this plane and in this place we call life. How do we know we're not in hell as we speak and heaven is a wishful thinking of "I don't want to be here", or the grass is always greener syndrome.  I'm sure they'll corner me and witness to me sooner or later. It's like the girl at colonial hills. She came to me and told me she felt led to pray for me, my friend from high school that I was just reunited with had died of a leukemia meant for older people, I told her that would be very nice. So she starts to pray, stops and says, before I can pray for you I need to know if you're saved. So let me get this right, you won't pray for my pain, suffering and for peace if I'm a heathen in your eyes? I don't deserve relief, love, friendship if I don't believe what you do? I was so disgusted but at the same time so dumbfounded I didn't respond. Just turned around and went back to work. I believe in God I guess, just not His followers. Possibly....does that make sense??

So sorry to ramble on. I guess I don't post because I don't think I have anything to say, and then I post and things just fall out of my brain. I love you all if you've made is this far and appreciate your patience, thanks for letting me blabber. I'll try and post more frequently, but I can't promise they'll be short either!!!! At least you'll have bedtime reading set up for you!

Love to all!!!

You're not alone in the world, kidlet

My poor little one...wish I could tell you that life in 30 years will be so much simpler. Today Dad took the sliding door out of the doorwall in the kitchen so that I could (after two years) finally get three coats of paint on the one section of doorwall that I could never reach. WOW, does it ever look wonderful now that it's done. Started raining fairly hard about 8 p.m. so we got the doorwall back together.

Dad spent the day cutting grass, edging, mowing with the hand mower and finally beginning to put summer lawn stuff away (sniff). I made us a fairly elaborate meal from scratch! Other than eggs I don't do 'scratch' during the week. I also have a GREAT start on the remaining 8 feet of mosaic tile backsplash I'd managed to cover up for years.

BEST NEWS YET! Dad made the rubber mold of our slot car and uncorked him about 7:15 p.m. The mold is perfect! He's been out in the garage with the resin, casting our all time first slot car. We don't know what'll happen yet, but we DO appear to have a potential source of new income. I've got to start carving on Zoomy Two. I'm going to finish the tiles in this kitchen before I start anything else. Not that most people would notice, but there's still a bunch of stuff to do on this floor to finish it. It seems like a really positive thing to do to get everything done here so that, economy willing (can WE get a bailout here????), the other house will finally sell and life can finally begin.

Not much other news. We went to TC yesterday with a list we were pretty good about sticking to...no choice. Housepayment week. Had great food at the pub next to Wilson's Antiques. First dinner out in well over a month. Somehow it means more when you don't do it often! Gas is 'down' to $3.83 a gallon. What a treat, eh?

God knows we're not exciting. But at 61, breathing is GOOD! Wore new clothes to TC Jess. Sure does make me feel special and refreshed. You guys hit a homerun on my Birthday!

Love to all of you, Ma

Am I awake?

So here's my week so far....

Monday: school and then homework for five hours. Eat, bed.

Tuesday: work for 12 hours, school for three, eat, bed.

Wednesday: school and then homework for five hours. Eat, bed.

Thursday: work for 12 hours. Say screw it to homework. Internet, soon to eat and then bed.

Friday: sleep in and pretend I don't have a job, bills or responsibility of any kind. Not really... projected forecast for Friday: work for 12 hours, homework, eat, bed.

repeat until Sunday when I plan to clean the house, do laundry and clean cat boxes.... then homework, eat, bed.

Is this all of the fun I can expect to have in my thirties? Really? Poor Tom is probably thinking that I forgot about him..... arghh.... why did I decide to go back to school? And when will work slow down????? Arghh.....

Mom, I got your card today. Thank you for the thank you, silly lady. It was OLD NAVY for pete's sake!! Thank you guys for letting us cover your house in black dog hair!

Lori.... how are you guys? What's shaking in Tennessee? Since I so rarely see my Tommy and have an actual conversation with him, I haven't gotten any Lori updates from him. I hope you guys are well!

OK, enough complaining. At least it's still 80 degrees out and my plants are the happiest they've been all summer. It just took fall to make it happen! I love you all! Jess

Thank you my Sweet Girl

You're the best kid ever, Lori. Thank you so much for your efforts. I printed your posting out to always remind me of the intent you offered up as a birthday gift and how important your work has been for me. Got to hug your brother in real time this weekend. Not only were the kids here but brought me the most amazing gifts. Extravagant is the only way to describe my birthday with John, Jess and Tommy (and of course, my granddog).

Only negative that eats at me is Jason. I'm sure he's not doing well and none of us are enjoying his absence either. Just wish he could be happy because when HE isn't, no one else is either. Oh well. As long as I've got you, Sean, John, Jess and the wonderful Tommy, life is good.

I love you tons girl. Take care of yourselves. My life is pretty small and those involved ALL must be well! Ma

Greetings Birthday Mamma!

Looked all day yesterday for the perfect ecard for you. Found it then went to bed because I didn't know where my card was from my camera.  Found it today, got a picture of you to put in the card, lost the ecard I was going to send. Refound it, ready to load picture of you and John on card, giggling cause it was a good card and DAMMIT!! Jibjab now wants money. Stupid people. So I hope you had a freakin good day cause you were thought about!!!

Love you

News from the North

OK. I'll get the bad news out of the way fast...WORST news; Juana's not coming. First reaction was tears. Second reaction was the same.

We (John and I) got up Thursday morning after 3 1/2 hours sleep and drove to Manistee to set up a show in a space no one had described beforehand. A difficult process at best. We sold $45 worth of merchandise, spent $20 on the pre-ordered sandwiches, used $21 worth of gas and were surprised to find we were expected to donate an item valued between $30-$100. I'd LOVE to say it was a wash but in truth it was more like a drowning. ALL the reasons we haven't done a show in five years came flooding back. Stupid as we are we actually began discussions on how to improve sales at future shows...early onset Alzheimers? John thinks I should sign up for the Holly Berry show in Frankfort Thanksgiving weekend. Every single time we've done a show I go in believing we'll make money. The outcome is ALWAYS the same, yet I keep believing.

Jess, Juana is planning a party to introduce Doug on October 25. She wants you and Tommy to come and hopes to invite your brother, Aunt Sue and Tom and George. Do you have Georgie's email address? I can email Juana the snail mail addresses just to be safe. Dad and I won't be able to come.

OK. The good news. I was saving this for last so that you'd remember it first! Of course, I didn't win any money at the juried show. But we went to the reception last night and they had a pretty nice booklet of the show info which we brought home.

Artists were invited to submit two pieces and several Northern Counties were included for this "Fourth All-Media Juried Art Competition." I submitted my two, perhaps just a little cocky that this was a rubby-dub show and everyone would be accepted. I was VERY surprised (and pleased) to read that 74 artists entered the competition, offering 139 works of art in a variety of media. Only 31 artists were selected and 39 pieces of art exhibited by those 31. One hundred pieces were rejected. I was shocked. I was only one of five artists included in the exhibition who had two pieces accepted.

This has given me the confidence to join the Art Center and begin teaching woodcarving classes again. I can't find any other viable work up here and I always made good money teaching. We decided last night to start classes with shorebirds. We can draw both men and women with that particular subject matter and hopefully I'll make enough money with the first class (which they can accomplish with just an exacto knife) to place that $500 wholesale order for carving tools to resell to students for more advanced classes.

I've got a big tile project to finish for the bar downstairs this week. I started this project in the Winter of 2005 and it'll be GREAT to see it completely finished (even if the bar isn't). Little house was shown for the very first time yesterday. Been on the market (THIS year) for the third year and since April 1. Haven't heard any feedback. I reran the numbers and decided that we can drop as far down as $55,000 and still survive...can't believe that price when the original price was lowered from $94,000 to our initial "sale" price of $84,900 just three years ago. Absolutely reeks of desperation, doesn't it?

Hummers have been gone for two days now. It's sad. We love those little guys. They'll be back in April '09. I'll leave the nectar out for a few days yet, but we have't seen any activity since Thursday.

Sorry to be far more newsy than funny. I haven't written for a while and thought you were probably JONESING for a categorical accounting of my life!

I'll turn 61 this coming Friday. Doesn't hurt a bit if John, Jess and Tommy are here to visit me.

Love to all of you. Ma

How kemosabe

What exactly is pulled pork?

Need to know and until I do, I have nothing else to say.

Here I Am Back Home Again

Well the first week of school with kids is over. Seem to have a great group this year. Classes are kind of big in numbers. But I only have two preps this year which is far different than the 3 or 4 that I have had in the past. Guess they are giving the old guy a break.

Today started off rainy but turned into a great sunny cool day. Not much color in the trees yet. Just along the road. Had a whole herd of turkey up by the garage earlier today.

The mom and I went to the Bensie Eat Fest for dinner. Had lots of good food. Sat by the bay and had ribs, pizza, crab cakes, some kind of rice dish, A and W root beer floats and Jessie I know this would be a hit with you, pulled pork sloppy joes. In just awhile I'm going to top the whole thing off with cherry pie and icecream. Yummmmmmmmy!

Mom and I cut the wood for the new tile grouping, I picked some tomatoes and squash. Going to wash the car in the morning, read the paper and have one of mom's good home cooked meals and watch a movie before I head back down below. Probably should make that trip on foot after alllll that eating. Oh did one other thing, made up some business cards for mom to pass out at the art show this Thursday. Tubby Tommy Boy sents his love to alll.

First day of school

Well, hello.... made it through my first day of school, again. Not too much has changed except I found a building on campus which I had no idea existed and was introduced to my brother's doppelganger. I have been assured that my supplies for my studio class won't cost over $200.... now THAT'S a relief. Couldn't find one of my books at any of the three campus bookstores and am planning on finding it on Amazon, or murdering the teacher, whichever comes first.

It's hot as hell here, literally. I have realized that my car is actually a toaster oven in disguise. There's something wrong with the exhaust which causes the driver's side to heat up in a most uncomfortable manner. Hey, if I sell it, I can advertise that it has heated seats! Now there's a positive in a world of crap.

Unfortunately I don't have much time here. I have to run out and spend a few more hundred dollars on art supplies and books before I get caught in rush hour traffic in the little red toaster oven....
love to all, Jess