Lori and I THANK YOU CUCCA

Providing a "vent space" was a GREAT idea Jess. Obviously you know us all well. And, too, we're anxious to hear from our 'Founder'.

R Vs W will get me going too, Lori. Just the very thought of losing that inroad terrifies the life out of me. I'd suggest moving north but there's truly NO assurance you'll ever meet kindred spirits here (unless you move in with John and me).

Three weeks from election. Gosh. Gee whiz. Where DOES she buy her glasses frames??? I DO feel better knowing there's a firm base beneath the chosen followers though. Or is that above them? Obviously there's a base at SOME location.

SEAN? LORI? We've ALL given you so many thoughts on the name of that car...how can she still be traveling through the neighborhood without a handle? Next blog around I totally insist that you've settled on her designation. Tommy drives Buck; Jess is in Joe Junior and I trust my Gypsy. Even Jas has a vanity plate announcing the departure (assuming you're reading the plate) MNY PIT. Think that's it, but you get the point.

Jess, Janie is coming over for wine and cheese and maybe a pajama party, depending on how much of the former, tomorrow. Tom Marshall defaulted on the kitties in his house in a most apalling way and the dinner we shared at the Cabbage Shed Saturday night found Janie unable to even speak to him. Generations of kitties have departed the Marshall home and he is now down to only one, courtesy of the cat door to the outside. Something about traffic AND coyotes. Multiple troubles for kitties in the north. IF there's a cat door. Doesn't it make you wish you could electrically shock your kitties into staying in your yard? Sorry. I told Janie I wouldn't tell you because you had already formed an opinion when Tom wouldn't accept Jean and Janie's offers (and your own) to spay and neuter those kitties for free. As evil as Aggie is I'd never in my life wish the kind of neglect that's available out there on her. She's never bitten me and I sure don't plan to bite her.

I'm totally in the market for some wonderful news. Not just sure where I'm going to find it but I plan to dredge some great information up from whatever depths they're bury'd.

I love all of you guys. Please, keep in contact. Ma

Thanks!

Thanks to the both of you Mama Judy and Sister Jess.  I guess I feel that the "cool kids" feel they have some kind of cool club and anyone can join.  You just need to hang your own beliefs, thoughts, ideas and individualism on the coat rack at the door. Never again to think independently. I sent y'all an email I received on Sarah Palin, I'm not pressing my election thoughts, just like debating. The first person to respond was......Stacey.  Jess, you remember Stacey don't you? Alan's wife. Sigh. The perfect example of the phrase, "Having a battle of the wits with an unarmed person"  She copied and pasted this whole page on abortion, describing each part of the process, describing the different types, stories from abortion survivors and then about 1/2 dozen bible verses. Nowhere in her response were there any thoughts of her own about Palin. She is focusing her vote soly on abortion issues. Screw the economy, health care or bail outs. Palin is against abortion, Obama is pro choice. Her decision is made. People like this terrify the shit out of me. When has a personal opinion on abortion come up in the White House with Regan, Bush, Clinton or Dubya? Did I miss a news conference one day where major decisions were based on this belief? 

I'm glad I don't go to church. I have my beliefs, some I think are fear based. Don't renounce anything, you never know. I really do hate that, almost seems hypocritical which is one thing I absolutely abhor with religious pious people. 

Well, that's about all with my sermon on the mount! 

I love you all and thank you for letting me vent and think out loud. Hope all is well with everyone.  

The as yet still unnamed old lady car is out and somewhat driving.  We took it around the block as mosquito patrol. Needs a new ball joint and the juices flushed. We'll see what else after that. Sounds really cool!!

Have a great week everyone!

View from the hill

That's a VERY tiny take off on the Sermon on the Mount...I doubt I created much confusion.

Note to Lori: I agree completely with everything Jess had to say to you. Hopefully that point made it through my convoluted blog a while back.

Note to Jess: Thank you for listening all those years. Hopefully watching reinforced a little too. You are the most amazing legacy I could have hoped to create. It's fascinating to me that Lori and Tommy were raised in a 'church' environment and took away from that the same lessons Jess and Jas were given in a completely non-congregational setting. It's always seemed far more affirmative for me to try to live by the golden rule because it is the right thing and because I selected it as the 'right thing.' I didn't need a group of same thinking people around me for encouragement.

I sort of think that maybe what you guys took away from your parents may well have been a sense of human morality and the knowledge that you had the personal freedom to choose. I've always known, Lori, that your Mom and Dad had a need for and enjoyed being a part of the congregation, and too, what the "group" had to say. But they've NEVER been preachy with John and I. And I sure don't see your Mom as any sort of unopinionated shrinking violet. I get a sense from her that she values the ability to choose (at least in SOME things).

I know she wasn't too thrilled about cohabitating without the proper ID and I may have mentioned something to the effect that "you never really KNOW someone until you've lived with them first." So we obviously disagree on some things but I think we may have more similarities than even Elaine knows. Lori you make your own decisions and they're always based on kindness, morality, and total willingness to step up to the plate for the needs of others. Somehow you managed to leave a home steeped in organized religion with the most important and true tenets of "religion." And Jess, you totally GOT IT too, without the organization. Maybe we shouldn't ignore the very real fact that BOTH of you girls choose to be caregivers because it's your very nature to be that. None of your parents taught you those attributes. You guys came out of the chute already preformed with your own sense of morality.

Tabula rasa is a GREAT theory but you girls are the exceptions that prove the theory wrong. Teaching by words and example may be reinforcing, but for those born without a heart, there's nothing to reinforce. And walking your own path sure isn't always as much fun as filling a football field with a few of your closest friends all shouting the same slogans.

OK. That's the view from the hill. Not sure I'm getting a lot of support from above though. Just heard some thunder joining the downpour.

And I'm not ignoring the recipe exchange. I'm just a little technically challenged.

Love you guys, Ma

Child of heathens

Lori.... how I love you. I think you and Sean are two of the most decent, hard working, honest people I know. To me, that is more "god like" than the vast majority of the church goers I know. In my world, the way you live your life, the things you do in this life, prove who you are and where you belong in the afterlife, if there is one. I may not have been raised to believe in a higher power, but I was raised with morals and a knowledge that you were to treat people as you expected to be treated yourself. There are a ton of things that the bible tells us that should be meant for all people, not just those who go to church on holidays and pray for forgiveness instead of actually doing something to make this world a better place. Every day you go to work you are making a difference in many people's lives just with your spirit and dedication. You don't have to work where you're working, you chose to work there. And it is in that choice that you prove that you are indeed a better person and that you have respect for human suffering. You do your part to make those people's lives better, not only the people you meet at work, but everyone around you. To me, that is living to a higher standard and there is no need for prayer or reflection.... you're living by god's rules. You and Sean give much more than you often have to give.... isn't that an example of how the bible asks us how to live? I don't know.... prayer and being saved aren't my thing and I know you and Tom were raised to live by those rules. It's something that has always made me feel like I was a bad influence on Tom. I can only hope that my own behavior, minus that horrible potty mouth I seem to have acquired over the last few years, is good enough to make the Van clan feel comfortable that I'm not a heathen myself. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have read just about every religious text there is to read in my own search for "what it all means" and they all say the same thing. Be good, do good and always be honest with yourself and others. Don't need to believe in god, krishna, mohammad or the buddah to do those things. Just do em! That's you my friend. It's who you are and you did that yourself. Enough from this corner of the world, may I not be struck down by lightning now.

Love to all, Jess

The Most Northern Heathen

Hello my precious family,

Lori, Jess, I don't know how you girls DO what you do. You are both so very critical to the comfort of so many. And often, you have to watch as those you care for and about fail.

As for the 'heathen' thing...guess I was instrumental in raising a pair of those. It's just so hard to be at all pragmatic and make promises about the supernatural.

I've been an agnostic all my life...a gutless wonder afraid to commit to not committing...you know...just in case. I have always, and will to my death, believe in the 'golden rule'. Surprisingly the "do onto others" tenant is planet wide and found in every single religion, regardless of indoctrination. I loathe 'organized' religion, ALWAYS because of the people who claim to be so very pious.

Lori. OH LORI. Anyone as caring as you, Sean, Jess and Tommy couldn't possibly be on any sort of 'wrong track' caring about life as you all do. I have immense faith. ALL of it is in the likes of the precious people I love, at least those who would never harm or ruin another. Today was my Mom's 91st Birthday. We had a long history of calling each other and singing, HORRIBLY, happy birthday to each other. I've sung to my parents' every year since they died, on their day. My Dad wasn't always a nice person. But I sing to him too. Jason's birthday is Wednesday, and I'll sing to him. The point is, Lori, that everyone we know and even wish wonders for, don't always earn that distinction. As long as you and I know that we've only wished well and never, once, intentionally hurt anyone...isn't that supposed to be what 'heaven' is about?

There's also this other part of me that's sort of "Jerry McGuire" in nature. Wasn't "show me the money" synonymous with "show me the love?" If you can't 'show me the money' (heaven?) than shouldn't it be ONLY about 'show me the love?' At least we can KNOW love.

Oh well. I despise organized religion. It truly requires the very worst of the zealots who profess to belong. Group mentality. Mob ethics. Isn't it just so much more difficult to walk the road alone? Guess we're somewhat more accountable if we acted alone and without 'sanction.'

Not everyone DOES need or want a hug from strangers. And I SURE don't need 'prayers' for my deliverance from people who know nothing about me or my motives and intentions. Isn't it always about 'who you know'...if you don't know 'God' personally, you DO seem to be !#%&*!, eh?

Got to go. I think there's a sea to part or someone who needs to find my little body in the bullrushes. I have worlds to save and tablets to dispurse...maybe even a chalice to pour my "box-O wine" into. The Free Masons have been looking for me.

Sure glad your parents can't see this Lori. Think that would be the end of my name on the Christmas card list. Love you guys immensely. That's one helluva job you and Sean have taken on...you absolutely stepped "up to the plate" with this effort!

Wish I had a genuine opinion....Ma

Ramblings of a Heathen

Hello my family!  No real giant reasons for not posting lately, I don't have a full full time job and school, nor do I have a full time school job and a commute, nor do I make really cool slot cars for fun and profit, just stupid stuff busy. 

 I've been working a lot and next week will be trained to be a meds RA.  That way, after my shift of cooking, I can go shower some people, wipe some bottoms, then give them their meds.  No pay increase for the added trust/responsibility of meds, but it will open the door for more hours and on my resume it will show the whole trust/responsibility thing. Right?  

Sean and I have been babysitting a 10 year old for a woman I work with. She's 46 and has decided to go get her ged but almost quit (after I pushed her to go for it) because her other child, a boy/child of 18 who is mentally challenged couldn't watch Sandy while Betty was at school. Betty would come home at 9:00 or so and Sandy's outside riding her bike and such. I guess she's already had dhs called on her (don't know why) but she had to have Sandy more supervised than the boy could do. So I figured that instead of just giving lip service I'd step up to the plate. Sigh, she's a handful. Steals candy, hides candy she doesn't like under the couch. Lies, won't talk unless the mood strikes her, but loves Sean to death. Dad isn't around, don't know the full story, so I think she has daddy issues. She took to him like a duck to water. Things are going to be shaken up a bit Monday when she comes back over. I'll be at work when Betty and Sandy come over but Sean plans on "talking" to Sandy and Betty knows it. He's laying down ground rules harder than I did. With her needing a male role model, maybe she'll listen more after she gets down pouting.  Betty has started calling Sean with progress reports on Sandy's school work. I thought we were just free babysitters. I figure Sean will put his foot down when he's had enough. He's not one to be shy about saying no when the time comes. Until then, we'll help out someone. God knows she needs a hand.

Been working on sewing some purses for Christmas from patterns my mom sent. I quilt, yes with a machine, but good lord, this is killing me. I've ripped so many seams my seam ripper is dull. Think if I buy one and rip the label out she'd know??? It feels like a chore as of right now, when it feels like that, it's not any fun.  I've walked away from it a million times now.  I think I'll just have to tell her I suck at this and I'm happy in that position. 

One of our little people died the other day. Very sad for the family. I didn't know him all that well, he and his wife had only been there about a month and he started going downhill soon after they moved in. Pretty hard getting attached to them and they have to go and die on you. I had been taking courtesy trays to the family last week and then the morning he died I took a larger one. Some other RA's went with me to the apartment and were giving hugs and saying they'd pray for them and he's in heaven and all that. I just set up my tray, told them I was sorry for their loss and we left. On the way back to the kitchen they were asking me why I didn't hug them or say I'd pray for them. I told them not everyone wants to be hugged, noticed, remembered, thought of, yes, but not always hugged by people who are basically strangers. I didn't tell them I'd pray for them because I didn't want to give a hollow promise because I may not pray for them. Turned into a whole religious discussion in which I told them I didn't think it was the time or place for a round table discussion on my beliefs and what I believed in doesn't affect how I do my job which is what I was there for. Goodness, the way they looked at me you'd have thought I shat on their feet. I don't know what I believe in anymore.  It's a collection, collaboration, a mishmash if you will of ideas, events and beliefs. Am I a good person?  I think so.  Will I go to heaven? Don't know, if there is one, I guess I hope so. Do I believe in Hell?  Sure, it's on this plane and in this place we call life. How do we know we're not in hell as we speak and heaven is a wishful thinking of "I don't want to be here", or the grass is always greener syndrome.  I'm sure they'll corner me and witness to me sooner or later. It's like the girl at colonial hills. She came to me and told me she felt led to pray for me, my friend from high school that I was just reunited with had died of a leukemia meant for older people, I told her that would be very nice. So she starts to pray, stops and says, before I can pray for you I need to know if you're saved. So let me get this right, you won't pray for my pain, suffering and for peace if I'm a heathen in your eyes? I don't deserve relief, love, friendship if I don't believe what you do? I was so disgusted but at the same time so dumbfounded I didn't respond. Just turned around and went back to work. I believe in God I guess, just not His followers. Possibly....does that make sense??

So sorry to ramble on. I guess I don't post because I don't think I have anything to say, and then I post and things just fall out of my brain. I love you all if you've made is this far and appreciate your patience, thanks for letting me blabber. I'll try and post more frequently, but I can't promise they'll be short either!!!! At least you'll have bedtime reading set up for you!

Love to all!!!

You're not alone in the world, kidlet

My poor little one...wish I could tell you that life in 30 years will be so much simpler. Today Dad took the sliding door out of the doorwall in the kitchen so that I could (after two years) finally get three coats of paint on the one section of doorwall that I could never reach. WOW, does it ever look wonderful now that it's done. Started raining fairly hard about 8 p.m. so we got the doorwall back together.

Dad spent the day cutting grass, edging, mowing with the hand mower and finally beginning to put summer lawn stuff away (sniff). I made us a fairly elaborate meal from scratch! Other than eggs I don't do 'scratch' during the week. I also have a GREAT start on the remaining 8 feet of mosaic tile backsplash I'd managed to cover up for years.

BEST NEWS YET! Dad made the rubber mold of our slot car and uncorked him about 7:15 p.m. The mold is perfect! He's been out in the garage with the resin, casting our all time first slot car. We don't know what'll happen yet, but we DO appear to have a potential source of new income. I've got to start carving on Zoomy Two. I'm going to finish the tiles in this kitchen before I start anything else. Not that most people would notice, but there's still a bunch of stuff to do on this floor to finish it. It seems like a really positive thing to do to get everything done here so that, economy willing (can WE get a bailout here????), the other house will finally sell and life can finally begin.

Not much other news. We went to TC yesterday with a list we were pretty good about sticking to...no choice. Housepayment week. Had great food at the pub next to Wilson's Antiques. First dinner out in well over a month. Somehow it means more when you don't do it often! Gas is 'down' to $3.83 a gallon. What a treat, eh?

God knows we're not exciting. But at 61, breathing is GOOD! Wore new clothes to TC Jess. Sure does make me feel special and refreshed. You guys hit a homerun on my Birthday!

Love to all of you, Ma